Rethinking Conflict at Work — Nashville Institute for Faith and Work

Workplace conflict carries a variety of connotations, depending on who you ask. Some employees thrive on it, others defuse it, and more may attempt to ignore it altogether. Regardless of your feelings about and attempts to manage conflict in the workplace, one thing is certain: conflict at work is inevitable.

In Romans 12:18, Paul writes that, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” While the call to unity is clear, Paul acknowledges that perfect harmony simply is not always possible. Anyone who has spent any time working on a team will recognize this reality. Whether it’s friction over a missed deadline or frustration due to unclear expectations, conflict at work is a daily reality—and a costly one. In fact, in the United States, 79% of workers experience unproductive workplace conflict, costing businesses $359 billion annually in lost time and productivity. If conflict at work is here to stay, can we leverage it for good?

“If conflict at work is here to stay, can we leverage it for good?”

Dr. Nate Regier thinks so. According to Dr. Regier, CEO and co-founder of Next Element, a global training advisory firm specializing in leadership communication, conflict offers us an opportunity to honor the dignity of our co-workers and create something new together. The key, according to Dr. Regier is “Compassionate Accountability®,” struggling with others through conflict. In his book Conflict Without Casualties, Dr. Regier outlines the process of effectively navigating workplace conflict through the Compassion Cycle, a model aimed at aiding employees to avoid typical drama roles and develop critical compassion skills instead. In this article, we’ll highlight seven important quotes from Conflict Without Casualties that will help you begin to rethink the way you engage in conflict at work.

engaging conflict redemptively

“Drama is the result of mismanaging the energy of conflict” (11). While every conflict isn’t necessarily intense, each moment of conflict at work involves people’s emotional needs and desires. Drama at work happens when employees struggle against each other to justify their behavior, while compassionate conflict is the process of relying on the compassion skills of openness, resourcefulness, and persistence to struggle with others.

“Compassion is the result of people taking ownership of their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, and choosing to spend the energy of conflict pursuing effective solutions that preserve the dignity of all involved” (12). At the heart of our working relationships should be remembering that all of our co-workers are made in the image of God. Our conflict at work, then, offers us an opportunity to engage in such a way that affirms people’s inherent dignity and worth.

“Compassionate Accountability® is the process of holding someone (including yourself) accountable while preserving their dignity” (50). John 1:14 says that Jesus came “full of grace and truth.” Dr. Regier’s concept of “Compassionate Accountability®” mirrors this and wisely highlights that loving our co-workers will require both grace (compassion) and truth (accountability). As. Dr. Regier explains Compassionate Accountability® involves honoring other people’s emotions and boundaries (including your own) while pushing back against any drama-inducing behavior.

“Compassion is the engine that turns conflict into a creative force” (50). Dr. Regier regards conflict as not merely something to be mitigated or reduced but rather leveraged for the flourishing of individuals and organizations. This reminder of the creative potential inherent in conflict reminds us that in and of itself, conflict is not bad.

“Compassion without accountability gets you nowhere. Accountability without compassion gets you alienated. Blending the two is the essence of leadership” (66). Leaders may believe that compassion is the opposite of accountability, which simply means punishment for wrongdoing. However, such a narrow view of leadership limits the potential of every employee. The key is to hold both compassion and accountability together.

“Behind most drama roles are latent or misused positive qualities” (168). Empathy is at the heart of conflict handled effectively. This quote reminds us to look for the gifts people (including ourselves) may possess, even as people contribute to unwanted drama at work. As an example, Dr. Regier explains that behind every “Rescuer” (one who offers unsolicited advice) may be someone who is highly “Resourceful” (one who can come up with many solutions to a problem).

“Leading self and others out of drama with Compassionate Accountability® starts and ends with emotional responsibility” (172). The emotional reality of conflict, naming and owning what we’re feeling and what is important to us, and asking the other person to do the same, is critical. Emotional responsibility, as Dr. Regier reminds us, helps us move from a blaming culture to one of healthy accountability.

assessing your own conflict at work

Reflect on a few diagnostic questions adapted from Conflict Without Casualties to help you gauge your current conflict attitudes and patterns at work.

What is your relationship with conflict? How have you experienced it in the past?
Do you tend to fall into any predictable patterns of conflict, either at work or outside of work?
What does unproductive conflict (drama) cost you personally and professionally? Consider the emotional, psychological, and social consequences.
What’s a recent example that comes to mind when you were involved in productive conflict? What about unproductive conflict? What sticks out?
What gifts do you bring to managing conflict at work? What difficulties do you have with navigating workplace conflict?
When have you experienced or witnessed creative conflict that generated a new idea or innovation?

Watch a recording of “Conflict Without Casualties: Finding Creation Amidst Differences” with Dr. Nate Regier on Thursday, April 8.

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